Qualities a Woman with Integrity Should Possess: (What does it mean to not be a SLANDERER)

According to Titus 2:3, “the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, NOT SLANDERERS…..”

This week’s blog post, I must say will be the most authentic and transparent post that I have written thus far. Before I started typing this week’s content, I prayed, and I asked God to please help me make this week’s blog post as authentic and transparent as possible. One thing that I do know for sure, is that people value and appreciate true authenticity and transparency. Being authentically you unapologetically can be the key to unlocking someone else’s freedom from guilt and shame. It seems like in the moment when you open up and share your weaknesses and truth with people you know or do not know, it’s like you start receiving not only “praises” for your transparency, but then the lines of confession opens up. People start sharing with you their personal struggles and weaknesses in or around the same area you have just shared. There is a saying that I have heard people in the Body of Christ and people who are not yet believers say, “Tell the truth and shame the devil.” I believe that there is so much truth to that saying. According to Revelation 12:10, Satan is described as the accuser of the brethren. So, here’s how you shut the devil up and keep him from going before God accusing you of things you have done; YOU TELL ON YOUR OWN SELF. YOU SHARE YOUR TRUTH. The Good News is that whatever you have done that was not pleasing in the eyes of God, Jesus already paid the price and has granted you forgiveness, mercy, and grace. Nothing that we have done or will ever do, will catch God by surprise. Jesus is our High Priest who has given us the ministry of reconciliation between us and the Father. Go ahead and take a deep breath!!! This is what Satan does not want people to know and believe about Jesus Christ.

This week’s quality/characteristic that I will be discussing according to Titus 2:3, is what does it mean for us as women of integrity to not be “slanderers.”

Slanderer- A person who slanders, is one who damages the reputation of one by making a false spoken statement about that person. Synonyms: defamation, character assassination, malicious gossip, backbiting, false accusation.

We all at some point of our lives and even now have either said or entertained conversations about others that were not necessarily true or have not been proven to be true or false. If you are reading this post, and you have never engaged in slander/gossip conversations about anyone, God Bless you! Remember, tell the truth and shame the devil. As I mentioned in the introduction to this post, people value and appreciate true authenticity and transparency. This week, I’m going to shut the devil up by sharing my personal weaknesses and convictions about entertaining or engaging in conversations that was about others that were not true or have not been proven to be true or false. I’m going to share some insights to what it should look like for us as women of integrity who are called to speak life, and pour into and mentor others. This is a calling out with the intent for us all to COME UP and take our rightful seat as women of INTEGRITY so that the Word of God will not be blasphemed.

I have found myself at times engaging in conversations that were full of slander and gossip. I knew this was wrong, but for some reason I just could not break away from these conversations or have the guts to open up my mouth and call the person out. I found myself often after engaging or entertaining in these type of conversations, asking God to forgive me. Until, one day all the times I prayed and asked for God’s forgiveness required me to take action. One of the things that I learned about myself and why I felt the need to continue on this path even though I knew it was wrong, was my fear of rejection. Oftentimes, we know that what we are doing is wrong, but because we fear man and not God, we succumb to the fear of man because of the fear of rejection. So, I had to choose, was I going to live a life in fear of man or was I going to surrender and yield my heart to God because I fear Him. Having the fear of God is not a “scary/afraid” type of fear, it is a fear that you honor and reverence God with. There were relationships that I had to walk away from because they were more damaging than fruitful not just on their part, but mine as well. One thing that slander does when you listen and come in agreement with the lies, is that it causes you to misjudge the very person being slandered. I often share this quote with people that the Lord gave me, “Your experience does not have to be my reality.” Just because someone had a bad experience with another person, that now they feel like they can slander/gossip, does not mean that will be my experience with that same person. I have learned and I am still learning to get to know people for myself in spite of what other people are saying. The Holy Spirit said to me one day, that I am called to be God’s mouthpiece and if I continue to engage in toxic conversations then when I open up my mouth to prophesy, I will not be prophesying from the Spirit and heart of God, but of the lies from man.” I would cause more hurt than hope and be a misrepresentation of the expressions of the Father’s heart.

My current pastor said in a previous sermon he taught, “If people feel comfortable coming to you with gossip, then you have to ask yourself what is it about me that makes them feel comfortable.” Those very words crushed all ten of my fingers and toes at once. I am going to say OUCH for myself!! That’s when the light bulb came on and the conviction was so strong that it penetrated my very soul. I knew at that moment God was calling me out so that I can COME UP to a higher standard. James 4:29 says, “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to hearers.” If I don’t have anything good to say in the moment, then I just keep my mouth shut. God told me that we sometimes have what he calls a “double tongue” The “double tongue” can be found in James 3:8-10, “But no man can tame the tongue. It is unruly evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so.” I’m going to say OUCH and AMEN!!!

Satan has changed the language to this slander/gossip thing, that you will hear people say something like, “I need to vent off” Venting off is the new slander/gossip trend. This is how you shut that conversation down before it even starts. If someone comes to you and says, “Hey I need to “vent off”, do you have a moment to listen.” Ask them this question. Is what you are about to “vent off” to me about cause us to fall into the temptation of engaging in a conversation that will slander someone? If they answer with a quick NO! THEN RUN………because that’s how you will be able to discern that their intentions were not from a pure place in their heart. If the answer is a slow NO, then that question gave them time to ponder on the motive of their heart. One thing my therapist taught me, is that if you have to share a concern or “vent” make sure that you keep the concern about you. Make sure you share your concerns without damaging someone else’s character or reputation. That’s how you keep yourself from engaging in gossip.

We as women of integrity should carry ourselves in such a way that we do not subscribe or succumb presumptuously to accusations or assumptions about others without doing our own research, praying and listening for the counsel of God. People who are intentional about slandering others, will never speak truth about someone else or even themselves because they lack the knowledge and revelation of their own identity and purpose.

With all that I have shared in this week’s blog, please don’t assume that I have mastered this thing or have made my arrival. I still have missed the mark at times, but one thing that I can say is that now I am more intentional and conscientious about 1- the company I keep and 2- the type of conversations I engage in. I have now been called out by God to set the example and set the trend. God’s strength is made perfect in my weakness. That does not mean that God will not hold me accountable, but what it does mean is that I don’t have to rely on my own strength because when I do, I will fail.

WE ARE CALLED TO UPLIFT, NOT TEAR DOWN!!! LET’S BE BOLD ENOUGH TO HOLD EACH OTHER ACCOUNTABLE WITHOUT FEAR OF REJECTION!!! IF YOU DON’T HAVE ANYTHING EDIFYING OR ENCOURAGING TO SAY IN THE MOMENT, THEN DO YOURSELF AND GOD A FAVOR AND KEEP QUIET!!!

May the Lord keep you and bless you this week!!!

Blessings,

LaToya C. Dawson